What dreams my come

What is it about sleeping? The beauty of it is so majestic and dreams are so powerful.  I can fall asleep instantly and that makes my husband envies because it takes a while for him to sleep. He loves listening to sports or his T.V. shows while he’s falling asleep. All I need is the calming quite of my bedroom and a pair of socks on my feet lol   I love sleep and its good for you to get enough sleep, but I also need to work on being a better morning person. It’s important to get up with the sun. It makes your senses come alive and you’re ready for the day! With life we have responsibilities and sleep is what energizes us to live! I’ve always wondered what it would feel like if I never had to sleep. What could I do with that time?" With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us finish the work ; we are in."-Lincoln, Abraham"

"Revive from ashes and rise."

Break Open!

"Your world is a living expression of how you are using and have used your mind."

"Effective communication is 20% what you know and 80% how you feel about what you know."

"True realism consists in revealing the surprising things which habit keeps covered and prevents us from seeing."

"Each day I live in a glass room unless I break it with the thrusting of my senses and pass through the splintered walls to the great landscape."

"The strangest, most generous, and proudest of all virtues is true courage."

A day to say good bye

I have a knot in the pit of my stomach and it hurts… Tanker was Tasha’s moms dog. She cared for that dog like a child. He got more respect then Tasha did sometimes. He was the family favorite and he got treated like a king. Yesterday I get a call from Tasha asking me if I’m setting down because she has some bad news. I thought it was about her dad because his been diagnosed with cancer.  She told me that Tanker past away from complications in his stomach. He was rolling around and his stomach got twisted. The toxicants’ put him to sleep and he never woke up…
She was telling me that she was holding his body before they took him to get cream made. And she just wanted him to get up and give him a cookie.
It gives me the chills knowing his gone! I’m still in so much shock and I can’t do anything.  I love this family and it’s so hard seeing them keep having crises after crises. There so broken that it’s hard to see where all the pieces fit any more. All I can do is love and be there for them.
I love you Tanker and I will miss your excitement to see me :)You wouldn’t calm down tell you got a cookie :)Such a great dog and very much loved.

Dancing in the Rain

It's true that you must be the change you wish to see in the world. There is no short cuts in life and its hard work." After love, the most sacred gift you can give is your labor." We are all here to love and bath in the river of life's journey. I love how beautiful life is! I take a breath in to my lungs and I'm so grateful for it because I am aware of the Divines love for me. It's a wonderful gift to be the all knowing eye and understanding that we are forever in His glory! I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to say other then life has its complications and still are spirit can with stand it. We are the light of the world! Be ready to take the time to remember because life is fleeting. Time whats for no one...There is no better time to follow your bliss like the present!

One Fine Day

Having a great week so far :) Staying at the StayBridge suites for the week because they are putting inn new stairs and paneling on are apartment building. I'm excited to see the transformation :) The suite is cool because it has a little kitchen. Tony was very shocked haha. I love him with all my heart and we had a great night :*
On Sunday I went to Fashion Place mall with Monica.We went to Victoria Secret and Monica really wants to buy a bra. I love mine! Later that night I went over to Tracy's house for her birthday party. I'm so excited for her because the day before Thomas her boyfriend proposed! I'm so happy for them and I was even crying a little lol I'm so glad she found Thomas because he's perfect for her! :) Victoria come over too and she was super excited that they got engaged. We all want to go out dancing next month to celebrate ;) We had fun playing a card game and it was crazy funny. Love my friends and It makes me so happy that we've stated to hang out again.
Been going over to Victoria's house on Thursday nights the last few weeks :) We've been doing the Insanity Workout and it's amazing. I always feel sore on Saturday though ouch! I really like it because I want to get in better shape and not have so much belly fat. That's the one area of mine that I'm still working on. I love that I'm spending more time with Vic and her kids are so cute! This Sunday is is her daughter Aubriall's 3rd birthday party. She is the sweeties little girl. I got her a Hello Kitty blanket for her birthday. Vic is gotingt her a Hello kitty cake and pinata. :)

  Had fun at the Utah State Fair with Kimmy, Jenna and their kids on Sep 9th. Grey, Kim's son really wanted to go on rides. I just love seeing all the farm animals and I just have a blast! I also went Tuesday with my husband, my sister, my neice, my nephew, and my mom. My niece Haylie loved this one ride and didn't want to go on any other rids. We finally got her on the carousal too lol I was exciting because the band Lonestar was at the fair that night :)
 I’m so grateful for my family and friends. I really hope my best friend’s dad gets good news from the doctors today. He’s going in for a CT scan to see if the chemo is helping the tumor in his throat. I'm praying for the best and I took Michelle to the store yesterday to get his meds. She was telling me that he's going to shave his head because his hair is almost all gone :( It's only hair, but it's still traumatic and we all want are loved ones to be healthy and happy.

Rise

I can hear the rain and it's comforting. I can't put my finger on why, maybe its God way of saying hello.
I just got back from my vacation and feel very busy again.. It's not easy being rushed and I'm going to make a mental note to remind myself to slow down and take my time for the simple things in life. To wake up and smell the roses before I die.... It's so easy to get lost with in our minds. We blame the world for its distractions, but it's not the world we need to control; it’s the universe with in our selves. That is what makes us tick and what makes us all connected. We all have are worries and are failures to overcome. Before we start run or hiding from our fears why don't we be truly honest with ourselves. Without honesty there is no truest. Trust yourself and you can do anything!
 We are the future and right now’s already over! We can't wait by and imagine what life will be like because then we'll be too afraid of failing to make every day mean something! I'm happy to be free and to feel the light. You have the light too; it only takes one person to change the course of the future.  So make that leap of faith!

Happy Day

I love those days when nothing can touch me. I feel happy with my life and feel very fortunate to have a loving husband. He supports me through life. I love him with everything I am JIt’s my nieces birthday and She’s 4 years old today! Wow, how time flies by. Love her to pieces and I’m so blessed to have her in my life! J Happy birthday Haylie! I love being your aunt! :p

Father's Day

Had a wonderful time visiting my dad! It’s so relaxing in Logan because it’s a small town. And its farm area. My dad says that’s the secret to life “Never rush” If we rush we miss haft the fun getting there ;)
I also enjoyed spending a few days with my Grandma Roskelley. She is so sweet and I love her so much. She’s had hearing problems for a while now. It’s hard for her to hear so that’s hard for her. She’s so funny though. She hates snakes and dad is always saying they are on earth for a reason. God put them here to help eat rodents. Grandma doesn’t like that answer hahah
We went to lunch at  Sizzlers for Fathers Day. My sister and her family came too. Love the steak there.


Monday, Dad and my Uncle Dan took me fishing. I learned how to fly fish and I caught 3 fish! I got sunburned on my arms and noise. It was pretty windy and my hat kept flying off. We then cooked the fish for dinner. Yummy!


Tuesday, we went to the movies and saw Prometheus. Its an alien movie and my dad loves SIFI. After that we went shopping for Haylie’s Birthday. She’s going to be 4 years old on June 27th:)
We watched Haylie and Dallin because Amy and her husband went to the temple that night. Dad cooked deer meat for dinner!! It’s been a long time sense I had dear meat so I was excited. 
  I was leaving Wednesday and we went up to the Cemetery to see Grandpa’s grave. It’s a very nice cemetery.   I stoped over to have lunch with my cousin Daymi before I drove home. She was watching her Nieces and nephews . I had a really nice visit with her. So happy she’s getting her life back on track! She was hard on drugs for a long time, but she's now realizing her worth. I’ve always seen the beauty inside her.:) We want to hang out again so that makes me happy that were becoming closer.  

 I was so excited to see my husband when I got home. I wouldn’t let him go when I hugged him<3 haha He means so much to me and I love him! He makes me happy and I'm amazed that he still gives me butterfly's.

Diving in deep

To understanding and letting space into the mind, it allows us to be aware of suffering rather than judging it.  We can be present and enjoy every experience. We are the masters of our minds and we should never be intimidated by the mind. With more space in the mind we take our reaction less seriously and less attached to thoughts. We can watch them like children, knowing they will quickly wear themselves out. For example, lake water is much clearer when you don’t stir it up- which means let it be. To let things be and stay confident our whole being becomes very authentic and everything we do we become much more authentic in it.

We habitually think that is it better to gain than to lose, are mind always want to be in a good state of mind. We wonder what is wrong with ourselves if we feel troubled. It’s simply that we live in an unreliable world; just allow the emotions to be and let it pass naturally.  We see suffering as useless, but in truth the pain allows us to develop compassion. By feeling a connection to others we become empty and our happiness comes by helping others. We lose self-absorption and gain the insight to love others as our self. The path to Dharma leads us way from ego’s struggle for attachment to “self” and points us toward benefiting others. With this understanding we gain enlightened potential to grow. We must be true to our self and work with conflicting emotions- The attitudes that one has toward ones self- by cutting through any kind of emotion which has the slightest feelings toward separation.--------------------------------------------------------------------------  

 Everything is brief and won’t last forever, so experience life now! Ego wants you to believe that everything is permanent, but the truth is we all change. Even are thoughts and emotions are constantly changing.  Simplify life and when or mind is open and engaged we can awaken to each new day with the breath of love!

Reflecting more deeply into our minds and feeling of being with yourself; gives you clearer appreciation for living. This is Zazen,( The Art of Just Sitting) which all delusions, doubts, distractions drop off. This is the Buddhist faith. Concentrating your mind one-pointedly on God and everything will take care of itself. In deep meditation we see that the universe sustains us .We are now, always have been, and always shall be sustained only through the outpouring of God’s energy. We see past, present, and future lives clearly with the perfection of non-greed. Then there is no need to fight or being hooked by the world when we no longer feel insecure. We can be who we are and then we find our place in the world. 

Idiomatically emotions come up whether we like it or not, but these things are not within us. Nothing is given by others outside of us. We are only love. It’s easy to concentrate with the knowledge of presence of mind. In order to let go of attachments we must first be aware that emotions are not for you to absorb. That is self-importance- Attachments are nothing, but empty awareness. We can let them arise and let them go back and return to its source. We meditate to let go of inner conflict, or attachment; inner attachment, outer attachment, and attachment to “self” all together.

By love of God and love for yourself, through your devotion, you come to the awakening of you are one with the Divine always. We find fulfillment from within. Samadhi means bliss. It’s the union with everything in creation and finally with God. The whole of creation is made up of one light. Our nature is to be with God and cosmic Consciousness centers us, strengthens our powers of kinship with all beings. We have found focus of a meaningful life, which is the welfare of all living beings.

Taking my power back

It’s amazing the journey we go on in life. The different paths we could have taken and even the choices we have taken effect were we want to go. I’ve had a weight lifted from my shoulders. I wish I could explain it, but it’s just an overall feeling that makes me feel at peace. Nothing has changed physically, but emotionally I have an over whelming feeling of relief! I’m happy that I could face the issue and no longer feel worried. It’s been a sour spot in my life and I’ve now gotten passed it! I had the Divine's help to do it. I never thought I would be excepting a huge from the person that hurt me. It only took that one gesture of love so I can stop feeling a little tense around my ex. It would have meant nothing if I hadn’t already forgive and let the Divine's love inn. I finally let go and been able to love without judgment was able to free me. :) I feel so good! I have had wonderful memories and they have been some of the funniest times of my life. I think that’s why it stuck so hard; I didn’t think I was ever going find that happiness again…

If you can believe it, I’ve found even more happiness! I love my life and know I am who am I’m because of my experiences. I can’t categorize my past as a mistake because it has laid me to where I was meant to be. I treasure the memories, but I live in complete amazement at the present moment.

Namista

Balanced relationship of body and mind

The genius is a divine presents that is just passing throw you and you are the vessel. It chose you and it’s up to you to help create it too. When we feel like the artistic work is going down hill and that is as good as it gets; maybe were looking at it in the wrong way. If you make it all about you then you feel not good enough anymore. In which makes us depressed and feel like giving up. Instead of thinking we are doomed to never achieving are highest success again. Just relaxed and realize it wasn’t all your doing that the divine genius form the other side helped you. I think this takes of a lot pressure of our own ego thinking we have all the control and all the weight on are shoulders. We can share the load and make it a partnership.

This is what I got from Liz Gilbert speech I just barley watched. I think she is an amazing women and I loved her book Eat, Pray, Love . I watch the movie again and has a more profound meaning now that I've read the book. When I first watched the movie it literally took me 3 day to finish it ... I didn’t understand and was very bored. I love watching it now because I know the depth of the true person and how much she had to struggle to get to where the Divine was telling her she needed to be. 

I love the Buddha teaching. I am so moved by the devotion to the Divine. It’s unlike any other. Buddhism is very flexible. You take the teaching that work for you and following the path of selflessness. To not  judge or discrimination. To have a "beginners mind"  what that means is always being open to whatever may come your way. If you think you have all the answers you have no room to experience or learn. By not always focusing on the mind. Enlightenment is not something you can obtain. It is always there and will always be there inside you. It is only when we empty are minds and let go of attachments will we find peace.  

You love me so

I don't have time to be in love
Kissing you on the cheek 200 times a week
I don't have time to be in love
Watching a foreign film, feet on the windowsill

But that's not true when I'm with you

I don't have time to be in love
Way too much candlelight keeping me warm at night
I don't have time to be in love
Cooking a meal for two, climbing all over you

But that's not true when I'm with you
Cause I used to be there for you
When you were so blue
I'd walk with you in the rain
Nothing was better when we did it together
But I don't have time for love

I don't have time to be in love
Holding you to my chest, feeling your every breath
I don't have time to be in love
Laughing so hard we cry, sometimes I don't know why
I don't have time to be in love
Maybe this reverie just wasn't meant for me

But that's not true when I'm with you
When I'm with you
_I Don't Have Time To Be In Love- Priscilla Ahn

Green Day!

Kimmy asked if I wanted to go to the Macaroni grill with her before her sister Julia's baby shower. So were driving to her work because it’s right next door. I then discover that she meant the Chess Cake Factory haha I was very busy there and we had to wait forever for are food. Can’t really complain sense it was free food. I didn’t really love anything there, but that’s because they loud there food with salt. It’s very unhealthy. The bill for are food was $115.00 for the 4 of us! We just had to rate the service. We got to the restraint at 12:00 and we barely made it on back to Mandy’s house at 3:00. It was a fun lunch!

The baby shower was good. Mandy’s mom made deviled eggs lol that was my favorite part ;) Then watching baby Colby flirt with a little girl haha He looked so cute in his green suspenders and his shirt that said “Mr. Lucky” I hope Julia is happy and her husband was at the baby shower.  It looks like his good to her and I thought it was funny that St. Patrick’s Day is his favorite holiday.
After the party Kim invited me to go to the bar with Mandy, Austen and her. So I was going to meet them back at Mandy’s house at 8:00. I kind of feel bad because I lied to Tony and told him I was going to hang out with Tasha. I didn’t mean to lie to him. In my defends I knew he would be pissed that I was going out to the bar and probably wouldn’t have let me take the car. I don’t even drink; I just wanted to just go hang out with Mandy and Kim on St. Patrick’s Day. Though if I know what was in store for me that night I wouldn’t have gone…
The night was just a lot of drama! Kim got so drunk she didn’t even make complete sentence when she talk to people. Austin was telling us he wasn’t going to drink very much because he had to be up in the morning for work. He freaked out because Jared was in town. His Mandy’s good friend from California and her ex husbands best friend. Austin started getting nerves to meet him. He was so drunk when Jared got to the bar. Jared is like 7 feet tall and is super nice. He also likes Kim haha. N-E ways Austin was drunk and hugging Jared nonstop. And then he kissed Jared on the lips! I was like what is going on! Then he started crying because he missed his daughter. I had to watch Kim like a hock because she kept trying to take more shots. She was done drinking because she was swaying and I was holding on to her because I thought she was going to fall over. It was just bad….

Austin’s sister was watching their Daughter Emma and they didn’t leave tell 2:00 A.M so his sister was pissed. Oops!
I then was driving Jared to Tara’s house and I didn’t know where her new house was. Kim was in the seat next to me trying to detracting me to her house and not doing a very good job at it! She wasn’t even making sense so I stop listening to her direction haha Jared finally had to call Tara’s brother because we couldn’t find the house.
In all honesty the night was a complete disaster! I don’t know why anyone would want to get drunk. The way Kim was acting was scary. Anyone could have taking advantage of her and she would have let them! I didn’t get home tell 3:00 A.M. and was so tired. In the morning I went to church with my mom at 10:00. After church we went to my cousin’s baby blessing.

You can do it

Staying motivated is not as easy as I thought. I was really in the zone with working out, but I lost the motivation. How do I keep it?

You’ll significantly improve your chances of having a good day. Also having a detailed plan in advance is that it will emerge from long-term thinking and considerations and that will lead you in the right direction of the goal. Rather than a planning minute-to-minute. Decide exactly what it is that you want to accomplish; and then break those goals down into a series of objectives that you want to achieve along the way.

Focusing on the benefits will help you develop a clear, stronger rationalize for accomplishing your goals.

Don’t let your doubts to prevent you from taking action simply because obstacles exist. When you think of how difficult the challenges will be; instead focus of your goal and pretend that the obstacles don’t exist. This is how you can push forward with your goal.

Encourage yourself woith good incentives to stay on track. Progress slowly and remember that its not black or white (success or failure) If things don’t work out this week, it’s okay. Take a breather and a new plan to meet your goal.

Tell other people about your goal so you can feel like you have a communicated commitment.  Discard fear of rejection.  You are deserving of your goals and you are good enough!

Healthy habits + Giving to others= Happy life

I'm trying to stay motivated to keep exercising and I think that it comes down to a simple question. Do you love your self and the Divine inside?

"Happy and peaceful simply means to stop disturbing our natural state of inner peace. Meditation, praying, and church -These techniques do not bring peace and happiness; they simply help us to experience and rediscover the inner peace that is there already, once we stop disturbing it.

   "We are a part of, not apart from, everyone and everything. We are That. In this context, love is not something we get; its who we are. 
 " When we can maintain that “double vision”-both the duality and the underlying unity- then we can enjoy life more fully and accomplish even more without so much suffering and stress, from a place of wholeness rather than lacking, from a feeling of interconnectedness rather than separateness and isolation. Our lives become manifestations of love, act of love- the most powerful force in the universe.
  "As your mind is trained to let go of its fear, your body will let go of its excess pounds. For that shift in thinking form fear to love is a miracle: the reprogramming of your consciousness on a causal level, freeing the level of bodily effects to transform from dysfunctions to healing. This course is not about your relationship with food; it is about your relationship with love. For love is your true healer. And miracles occur naturally in the presence of love.
   "Love is that which both crated and sustains you. It’s both your connection to your true reality and your alignment with positive flow of the universe.
   "The power of fear is being a little insane, destructive, and lacking- The power of love is perfect, creative, self organizing, healthy, self healing, and abundant.  Divine Mind is the conterforce to the temporary insanity; when you are lost in moments of spiritual forgetfulness, it will remind you who you are."
                         - Marianne Williamson Auther of A Cours In Weight Loss

I love food and its amazing how much I took it for granted. I didn’t care what I was putting in my body. I just wanted what was cheap and easy to get my hands on. I know we all do it, were in a hurry and want to pull up to that drive though. It takes only a little awareness of the food we eat and how it will effect our body's. I’m not a doctor or a nutritionist, but I know that a Hamburger form a fast food joint isn't good for me. It’s just coman sense... It took me a long time to realize that exercising is good and will keep you healthy, but also without eating healthy foods you wont see results!

 It sounds like a death sentence doesn't it? We can’t eat anything we want? Our mind and tast buds rebels and tells you” I don’t like this” or “I’m not in control; I have cravings.” You can get passed these thoughts and become in powerd by food! I know when I said no to french frys I felt happy that I didn’t give inn. I choose what I eat and what I don’t eat and once I excepted that, that’s when I started losing weight. I’m thinner then I was in High School! I didn’t even really try once I ate healthy. Every time I got on the scale I lost more weight! My friends and family still think I have something wrong with me because I lost 80 lbs with little effort.

We have to realize food is not the solution to the problem. We feel bored or stressed and we don’t have enough self expedience. I knew that I had the strength to do what needed to be done. I have the confidence to resist. Even if I slip once in a while I know I have a lot to gain if I just stick with it!

The World is Art

 

"Your vision will become clear only when you look into your own heart. Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside, awakes."

Forever Young

 I miss the old days! The group and High school… I just had a dream last night about all my high school  friends! The 4  girls- Amanda, Cicely, Amy, and I. The 4 boys- Robbert, Ralph, Jesse, and Nathen Lol It was fun to see my friends again and we were all still cool with each other. I miss having nothing to do and just hanging out. Seeing each other everyday at school hahah. We spent a lot of time together. Wow, how close we all were. Going to the movies, drive inns, water fights and having fun nights just goofing around. :p
 Been out of high school for 7 years ! It’s been a great journey and I wouldn’t change one thing and I can say that with totally honesty J  Thanks for the memories; love the times when it was us! <3